300 Problems

A while back I had a new client come in and book five sessions with me. A short amount of time to make progress yes, but enough to at least teach some basics to a newcomer to weightlifting. As I do with all of my clients, I asked this guy what he wanted to get out of these sessions. He responded by saying, "Well, I want to look like the guys from 300". For those of you who aren't familiar, 300 is an incredibly popular movie about 300 Spartans who fight until the last man against an army of 1 million soldiers. I haven't actually seen the movie (I took that last bit right off Google). Nonetheless, the half-animated characters that make up the film, define athleticism. These guys are built like brick s**t-houses. Sculpted arms, chiseled abs, pecks of steel, and not an ounce of body fat. Clearly, the type of guy that I was going to turn my six foot three, 160 lb newbie into in just 5 sessions.

Now, apparently there is a 300 workout that can be found rather quickly on the internet, as I was graciously informed via a link from my new client. All kidding aside, it looks like one hell of a workout. Here is what the workout consists of:
25 Pull-ups
50 Deadlifts at 135 lbs
50 Push-ups
50 Box Jumps at 24 inches
50 "Floor wipers" at 135 lbs
50 Clean and Press at 36lbs
25 More Pull-ups
Total: 300 reps.

Before I had even taken a look at the 300 workout, I knew that my client had been brutally misguided in how to get in shape and needed some education regarding his "realistic" goals. This is a guy who couldn't do one squat properly, nevermind 50 clean to presses. I quickly lectured him on the importance of learning proper lifting mechanics before jumping into a workout of this magnitude. Not to mention that this workout has been cookie-cut with the same load for everyone who uses it; or that genetics and body type simply does not allow for everyone to look like our 300 Spartans.

But can you blame the guy for thinking that by coming to a strength coach with a vision, it could become a reality in 5 sessions? Sadly, not entirely. So if you are my former client, please don't take offence to this, you inspired me to inform people on wise decisions. When you pick up any fitness magazine these days, it is jammed packed with juiced-up roid monkeys being portrayed as the ideological norm. If a page is not filled with supplements, it contains a quick-fix article about how to look like the Bond guy or how to create your own celebrity body. And the product of this kind of material? Millions of impressionable young men thinking this is plausible for them. Just as young women are struggling to portrait the "perfect" body that is rapidly shrinking to anorexic status, young men think that any guy can look like a Spartan. But when they fail to get the results they are looking for, suddenly that magazine comes in handy for another reason: Steroids. And truth be-told, that was the only way that my lanky client was ever going to resemble the likes of a 300 Spartan.

So, if you are reading this, and want to get into lifting for whatever reason, please learn the basics before jumping into a workout that is this comprehensive. The 300 workout is tough, and would probably produce some results if you already knew how to perform each lift properly. However, it is not the only way to get results. It has a catchy marketing scheme (300 Spartans/300 reps) and the buff characters for "evidence". It's great to come to a strength coach with a big goal in mind -as my client did - but understand the importance of learning basic technique before 300 reps of comprehensive lifting. This takes time, just as it takes time to learn basic chords before one can belt out Stairway to Heaven on the guitar!